Two Years Out, 100% In
Executive summary: Two years after going on mat leave for the second time and then deciding not to return to work, I find myself happy with my choice to leave the corporate world. There has been a lot keeping our family busy, and it’s refreshing to finally have the bandwidth to manage the chaos.
This time last year, I turned in my badge, phone, and computer to McKinsey after 7 years at the Firm. I joined out of my MBA and went through 3 jobs, 2 pregnancies and births, and 1 cross-country move in the intervening time. Suffice it to say that my life by the end looked very different than at the beginning of my stint. Then I made a very difficult decision to pause my career after the birth of my second child (which I discuss here) and devote myself full-time to my family. I haven’t worked outside the home since my daughter was born 2 years ago. I know my own record — I tend to want to shake things up every 2-3 years. I’ve never held a role or been on the same team at work for longer than 2.5 years at a time. Now that I’ve reached 2 years in my latest endeavor of being a full-time parent, how am I feeling? (Generally speaking, good.) Do I have an itch to do something new again? (Not yet.) And, crucially, does it transpire that I actually have the temperament and patience to stay home with kids? (Yes, perhaps surprisingly, although I have the occasional meltdown too. If the kids are entitled to them, then so am I!)
Maybe it’s because I was burnt out by kids and COVID and spotty childcare by the time I quit, and I’m still recuperating. Maybe it’s because kids change so fast that every few months feels like a new adventure. Maybe it’s because there have been lots of other things keeping us occupied recently, the foremost of which was my husband’s faculty search last year, which required a concerted effort from the family. Maybe it’s because I’ve been finding my role as a full-time caregiver relatively fulfilling and guilt-alleviating (as much as I needed daycare for my sanity, I always felt bad about leaving my firstborn there as he was getting drool rashes, skipping naps, and getting sick every other week). It’s certainly kept me immensely busy (as documented here), even as we are trying to transition my daughter to preschool – more on that below. It’s probably all of these factors combined, but I am not feeling antsy to return to corporate America or seek out new challenges at the moment. My days are pleasantly, not overwhelmingly, full; it’s the difference between having the mental bandwidth to make a daily plan and execute it full-heartedly vs. lurching from one activity to the next while multitasking wildly and snapping at my family to get a move on because my whole day is stacked up like dominoes. There’s a whole separate discussion about why it’s so difficult to have young children in a dual career household in this country, but I’ll leave that for another day.
These two troublemakers sure keep us busy, and it’s been really nice to be present for all the fun (and less fun) kid things without having to jigsaw family time and work time together in a way that felt unsatisfying for both endeavors.
I’ve said before that being a stay-at-home parent of young children is a full-time job, one that doesn’t come with much respite and certainly no PTO. The number of hours that my husband and I have simultaneously been away from our daughter since the day she was born can be counted on one hand, with fingers to spare. We tried to start her in part-time daycare to stimulate and socialize her a bit as she neared 2yo, and to give us a few child-free hours every week. Over the summer, we were signed up to attend 3 mornings per week, to the tune of $1800/month (yeah, that’s what childcare costs around here). Well, maybe it’s her personality, or maybe it’s her age (prime stranger danger time), but daycare did not go well. She was happy to play on her own … but only as long as I was there and she could look up and see me every few minutes. So “daycare” ended up being 3 one-hour segments per week with me standing in the corner trying to be unobtrusive. Awkward. And obviously not a good deal – I calculated it cost $170/hour for me to stand there every M/W/F. So we made the decision to move her to a coop once she turned 2 and met their minimum age requirement. The coop we chose actually requires parents to remain with the child until they’re 2.5yo, which is exactly what we need, lol. It’s <$400/month for 2 mornings/week, which is much easier to stomach, given that I’m providing my own childcare anyway. I’m hoping that 6 months will be sufficient time for her to get used to the place and the people, so I can finally make my escape next spring when she turns 2.5 (and also hopefully has outgrown some of her current fears). Like I said, children change so quickly it keeps me guessing and life interesting.
Do I wonder what it would be like if my husband and I could switch places, and he were the one who took care of the kids and everything at home? Yes. Do I wonder if I could be a better role model to my kids if I were still a working mother? Yes. Do I wonder how much I’ll be discounted in the job market if/when I choose to return? Yes. Do I cringe whenever someone asks me what I do and I feel the need to explain my decision, especially to other working mothers? Yes. Do I wonder how much this will impact our financial future? Yes. I had many concerns when I made the decision to pause my career that haven’t been alleviated with the passage of time. But then, as now, I decided none of it compared to being able to focus on my family at a time when the kids are the neediest (and likely the cutest?) I’ve always said it’s a privilege to be present and pleasant for my family, and so far, I have no regrets. I may be 2 years out of corporate America, but I am 100% in to being a full-time parent.