Family Planning Flubs: Our Birthday Blunders
Executive summary: In my mind, there is an ideal time of year to have a birthday, and I’m afraid I flubbed it with both of my kids. Flippancy follows, you have been forewarned!
In honor of my daughter’s upcoming birthday, today I’m writing about a silly and totally random topic that’s tongue-in-cheek … although still true (as much as my husband wishes it were otherwise). I’m talking about which part of the year I wanted my kids to be born in. That’s right: I’ve long wished that I could time procreation perfectly so that they would have birthdays at the exact right time of the year. For our family, that would be the March through May timeframe. Allow me to explain why these are the ideal months for us:
January: Right after the holidays, no good. Too many presents jammed into one part of the year, and everyone’s tired from over-celebrating.
February: Still relatively close to the holidays, plus there’s Valentine’s Day and often Chinese New Year to take the spotlight. While not the worst month, it’s still a bit crowded for my tastes (plus what if you get dumped around Valentine’s Day, as people snap under the pressure? That would be a birthday downer.)
March: Now we’re talking. Nothing big this month (unless St. Patty’s Day counts … it doesn’t). A good time to have some birthday fun during a relatively quiet part of the year.
April: Sure, there’s Easter, but still pretty open for a birthday. And if you get lucky, maybe it’ll happen over spring break.
May: The earlier half would be better (to be further from June), although this is when AP tests happen in high school, so maybe it’s only a good birthday month if you’re a slacker who doesn’t take AP tests.
June: Our anniversary is mid-month (we had to wait to graduate from college before tying the knot — too much going on otherwise. Like, who has time to plan a wedding while taking finals and moving out of their apartment?) I don’t want anyone’s birthday to eclipse this! Get your own month!
July: I’m ok with July. Of course these kids always get their birthdays forgotten in school, so they might need therapy as adults, but it’s a good enough month for a birthday in my books, as long as it’s not too close to the Fourth of July. You know how I feel about squishing everything together.
August: Once again, the first half would be acceptable (to be further from September). Besides, if your birthday is right when school starts in mid to late August, it will also be forgotten by teachers who haven’t gotten their acts together enough to know when people’s birthdays are. You should send them your therapy bill.
September: Nope. My husband’s birthday month, first of all, so it’s off limits. (His parents should’ve done better, but I’m announcing to the world that he was an accident.) And if you want to have a birthday party, you won’t have anyone to invite, since you haven’t had time to make friends yet in school. More therapy.
October: Off limits — my birthday (my parents should’ve also done better, but I was also an accident). Plus I want to spend the month anticipating Halloween (my favorite holiday), so I don’t want to be distracted by birthdays.
November: No way. Sandwiched between Halloween and Thanksgiving, blehhh.
December: Yeahhhh riiiight. Don’t you remember what’s wrong with January? Plus everyone is reeling from the fall holidays. Hard pass.
So what birthday months was I blessed or cursed by with my kids? I admit it: I blundered. I give my son a B+ (February) and my daughter a D+ (September). Neither of them were accidents either (which we call “whoopsie babies” in our home FYI), so I really can’t defend myself. You might wonder if I actually did try to time their existence to fit my view of the world (year), and the truth is that I did a little bit with my first. Hubby and I were in no particular rush to pop out a baby anyway (we’d already been together for over a decade), so I didn’t want to start trying until I could be “guaranteed” that we’d avoid the extra dreaded holiday months (which I define as October through December). I almost made it to March too! If only baby boy hadn’t jumped the gun and come out slightly early …
Fall is a beautiful time to be born, but it’s too oversubscribed!
With my second, we were surprised by how soon she happened. One day, I decided we could start trying, and another, there she was on the pregnancy test. I thought it would take another few cycles, bringing us to the desired spring months, but she had her own ideas about that. So now baby girl is tucked right between my husband’s and my birthday, and yeah, that does make me a little crazy. What makes me even crazier is that the cut-off date for starting school is now September 1 in California, so little sis missed the deadline by a few weeks. Now she has to stay home/ cost us an extra $20k at daycare for a whole additional year, plus she’s going to turn 18 near the beginning of senior year. We’re going to have a legal adult signing herself out of classes and getting tattoos while living under our roof. Great. My husband and I didn’t turn 18 until college, so our parents never had to deal with that particular nightmare.
Well, what’s done is done. My husband (a computer scientist, physicist, and mathematician) always disliked biology most out of the STEM subjects, which he normally takes to like a fish to water — his motto is “living things are gross.” Not to mention imprecise! And ungrateful! These kids have been messing with me from the moment of their conception!