Holler if You Hate Hosting at Home
Executive summary: Even if you don’t like to (or can’t) invite people into your home, you can still have company – just take it outside! Whether indoors or outdoors, shared/public spaces may be the answer to your hosting woes.
I have a confession to make: I love seeing my friends (and generally family too, haha), but unless it’s just a couple of people or a short visit/ tour, I prefer to see them outside the confines of my own home. It makes me feel like a heretic to admit this. If you watch shows on HGTV, you’d be convinced that everyone in the world wants to host. They gush about how they love having family and friends over, if only their space would allow for it. So they buy a house and the final scene shows everyone having a grand ol’ time eating hors d'oeuvres in the kitchen. Watching this storyline over and over made me feel like a freak. Am I the only person alive who doesn’t relish throwing a party? Probably not, but those of us who “hate hosting at home” aren’t very visible or vocal, it seems. Well, no longer. I’m here to publicly proclaim that I usually do not enjoy inviting people into my home for extended periods of time. For me, it boils down to a couple of main reasons:
I don’t like the additional work of cleaning up after everyone leaves. I have to clean up constantly throughout the day after my own kids, so I definitely do not want to clean up after other kids and adults too.
My home is my personal sanctuary, a haven for our little family. A short visit is fine, as I love showing our place to anyone who’s curious about how we live, but a big multi-hour party? Nah, pass.
Don’t get me wrong – none of this means I don’t like to host at all. It just means that when we have company, I find another venue. One of the great things about our apartment complex is the clubhouse and the outdoor seating areas (an advantage of living in California, I admit). Those communal spaces are where I like to meet up with friends, have a meal that can be transported in a bag or a tray (or can be fired up in the community grills), maybe go for a dip in the pool. I once had a friend visit with her toddler who spent an hour joyously scratching in the dirt with a stick, so we didn’t even need to go inside. I got to see my friend (check), the kids were entertained (check), and I didn’t have to invite anyone in (check). Even a patio or a balcony will work in a pinch (assuming it's not a massive party, which for me, it never is), especially in the days of COVID when we were only seeing our friends outdoors. (As an aside, I think it’s far more common now to gather outdoors because of what we went/ are still going through with COVID). Pull up a few chairs on the patio/balcony, offer a round of drinks, and everyone is happy.
A shared space where I like to lounge and eat with friends.
Other places I like to see friends are parks, so the kids can entertain themselves while the adults catch up on life. We’ve recently gone to a round of birthday parties at '“indoor playgrounds,” which is what I would do if/when my kid begs me for a birthday party (hopefully not anytime soon – I’m not ready!) Renting a venue does cost money, but it’s far less than the additional rent we’d have to pay to get a bigger apartment to occasionally fit 20 kids plus adults. But that’s beside the point anyway – my aversion to hosting at home is agnostic of the size of my home.
We like playgrounds (indoors or outdoors) for parties because of the built-in entertainment for the kids.
I will say the challenge to my grand plans is when the kids are young enough that they need naps during our gatherings. Some babies/toddlers will sleep in strollers or absolutely anywhere. Lucky parents. Our kids are not that way at all. They need a quiet isolated place to wind down and fall (and stay) asleep. This is when it’s helpful to have extra rooms to stash the kids (in portable pack ‘n plays) so that we don’t have to end the party after 1-2 hours to rush home for naps. As we rarely have more than a few friends over at a time (to keep my stress/sanity levels in check with a smaller crowd), there are never more than a couple of young kids who need to nap. But honestly, one quiet bedroom is enough for them to share while the adults and older kids stay in the living room or patio/balcony. And then back out to the communal spaces we go once naptime is over!
I know I might be spouting off heresy, but I have no problem being that person who doesn’t host parties in my own home. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, and I’ve found ways to have friends and family visit us anyway. Give me a holler if you (ever) feel the same way, and we can band together as the heathens who hate hosting at home!