A Tailored Toddler Timetable
Executive summary: Even though I’m no longer in a corporate role, I still keep a busy daily schedule, one that’s now tailored to my family’s needs. A full-time parent’s job can be exhausting and all-consuming, but for the time being, I’m letting it consume me and feeling grateful to have the option.
Before I had children and I worked full-time, I wondered what stay-at-home parents did all day. It’s like what Ali Wong says in her book Dear Girls: I imagined that they brunched every day, baked cookies and made gourmet meals, worked out, lounged by the pool, and generally enjoyed a life of leisure against a very well-lit, flower-filled, Instagram-worthy background. My 20-something-year old self had no idea how demanding, incessant, stubborn, energetic, loud, and messy (little) children are. Even though I’ve taken a step back from corporate America (see the OG post here), I still feel that I am hard at work — just this time my job title is “full-time parent.” By my reasoning, if you’d pay someone to do it, then it’s a job. And it certainly keeps me almost as busy as any job I’ve ever had; it’s true that the days are more flexible, but we work nights and weekends, 365 days a year. It’s also physically challenging work, involving a lot of chasing and lifting and kneeling, whereas hubby and I are used to desk jobs. We’re tired on a regular basis, especially when a kid’s been sick (every other week, it seems), is teething/fussy, not sleeping well, etc. I imagine it gets easier as the kids get older (up to a point) — my recollection is that my now-5yo son was 2.5yo when I felt like he became easier to look after. With my 1.5yo daughter at home 24/7 right now, I keep thinking “one more year, one more year and it’ll be less intense.” But I just got back from a trip in which we visited my cousin, who has two boys aged 6 and 9. She returned to work last year, and even though she’s not fond of her job, she keeps it because it’s close to home and she gets to clock out at 5pm. That way, she can chauffeur the boys to their activities by stepping out of work briefly here or there, and she’s home at night to monitor homework. So does it really get easier as the kids get older? It’s definitely less physically intense, but demanding in other ways. One day at a time. For now, I run on a non-stop daily schedule between my toddler, my TKer, and our general household needs, no lounging included:
7:30-8:30am: Get up, breakfast, take the kids to school (little sis comes to drop off big bro)
8:30-9:30am: Go on our daily walk for exercise
9:30-11am: Take the toddler out for a morning activity
11-11:30am: Make lunch
11:30am-12pm: Eat and clean up from lunch (which includes wiping the floors, walls, and sometimes the ceiling)
12-12:30pm: Entertain toddler at home
12:30-1pm: Nap routine
1-2:30pm: Naptime. This is the one time during the day I have to myself, and it’s often taken up by chores (e.g., cleaning, prepping food, laundry). This is also when I typically work on the blog
2:30-3pm: Take little sis to pick up big bro
3-3:30pm: Snack time
3:30-4:45pm: Take toddler out for an afternoon activity
4:45-5:15pm: Make dinner
5:15-6pm: Eat and clean up from dinner
6-7pm: Big bro’s bath and bedtime routine
7-8pm: Little sis’ bedtime routine
8-10pm: Finally, a little adult time!! (Plus more chores … always chores)
10pm-7:30am: On call for any overnight needs, which have gotten so much better now that the kids aren’t infants waking up every couple of hours anymore
So lest anyone think that I sit around all day making soufflés and breathing deeply at yoga, this schedule shows that there is a task to fill up every moment of the day from 7:30am-8pm. Hubby works from home most of the time and pinch hits throughout the day, which is super helpful. But I have to get little sis out of the house or else she’d watch TV all day and/or bug hubby who’s WFH, because kids think that if they can see you, you’re available to play. I cycle through a list of all the places to take a toddler depending on the weather and the traffic:
Local playgrounds
Shopping centers and stores (so I can get groceries while entertaining the toddler, two birds with one stone!)
Library story times (not because she can sit quietly, but because it’s less embarrassing to have her running around and screaming if there are other kids doing the same thing)
Indoor play areas and other resources like children’s museums
Any pretty garden or contained space for a toddler to run around without risk of being hit by a car
Out and about on our daily activities.
Older people often tell us “the days are long, but the years are short” when they see us dealing with meltdowns and other little kid problems. I disagree: both the days and years feel sooo long. But I am happy and grateful that I can devote my full time and attention to my family, and I know it’s such a privilege to be able to even make the decision to take a break from my career. I certainly didn’t feel that way when my son was born 5 years ago, but I decided I wanted to do things differently after my daughter came along. By then, I knew I wasn’t signing up for mimosas all day by leaving corporate America. Rather, it would be a trade-off, exchanging intellectually stimulating and financially rewarding work for lower stress levels and the chance to focus on my family. I never envisioned myself as the “stay-at-home type,” and friends have described me as “career driven.” But I also believe that there is a time and a place for everything, and right now, this feels like the right answer for me and our family.